Happy Birthday Daddy

One of daddy's favorite singers, he sang this song on the way to Idaho, nine days before his passing on the 11th.  Goodbye Daddy, Thank you.

Our last day

Eventually his body starting shutting down, his kidneys, liver, all internal organs, his breathing was getting harder and now he was on oxygen always.  Doctors were still not telling us everything.  We knew something wasn't right, even by now daddy knew it was near the end.  We decided to ask the nurse straight out what was going on.  She was great, she brought the doctor in and told us it would be only hours now, maybe 24, maybe 2.  We wanted to know what to expect.  Now it was time to ask him what he wanted.  He had told us pretty much a lot during the past few months, but we needed the little details, and we got it all down.  Then he talked to all of us; he wasn't scared and not to worry he would be okay, told us he loved us and we were the best kids he could ever have wanted, and to be sure we took care of our families and he reminded us; "make sure you take care of your momma."  He told us this couple of times and we promised it was not even a question.  Than he smiled, closed his eyes... and we waited. 

Around 5am, daddy took his oxygen mask off, told us he was tired and he was gone within ten minutes.  It was the longest ten minutes I have ever experienced.  I sat there in the chair waiting, I would never hear daddy tells us his funny stories, shake his head because we did something dumb, or laugh because we told some joke, again and again.  Never again would he tell us while he was eating a subway sandwich, that he could feel the pounds peel off, or about how he never had Christmas presents as a young boy, that's why they had tamales; so they would have something to unwrap.  Or, what about how when he grew up, he had a different fork every time he ate some of his food; tortillas.  He would never again be there for the grandkids baseball games, football games, award ceremonies, piano recitals, graduations, and all the family bar-b-ques or parties we had.  He love to party, he loved to eat and drink, but most of all he loved his family ... and we loved him with everything we could give because he gave us twice back. 

Now I visit him at the cemetery where his stone has a picture of momma and daddy on their wedding day, a forest scene on the bottom, and teddy there sitting with daddy. 

We love you daddy, and miss you every day, but you’re in our hearts.... forever.

September 2009 Porterville Filipino Reunion

August 23, 2009 Birthday

June 1978 BBQ at Tulare Union

Pepsi-Cola 1974

8/9 Years Old

15-18 years old

Valley Cruiser BBQ 198??

Fresno State Graduation BBQ May 22, 2010

Thanksgiving 2009

Idaho July 4, 2010

Our last Christmas w/Daddy at  my house 2009

January 1960

My Hero

Daddy was our hero, when we were little he would work sometimes three jobs; Pepsi, selling vacuum cleaners, and a hamburger shop, but when he was home it was our time.  Momma would tell us, "daddy's home" and we would run and jump on him, get his paper, his slippers and sit around him on his chair.  If it was during the day he would take us to Maple school to fly kites, play paddle ball or get sick while turning us on the merry-go-around and sometimes take day rides to Yosemite, Hume Lake, Huntington Lake or Pismo.  That was something because he would get car sick, boat sick, plane sick, and sick turning us on the merry-go-around. 

Daddy rarely yelled but when he asked something of us we didn't respond with a "what" or "wait" or "I know."  It was understood and expected, because he gave more than we gave back and in our hearts we knew no matter what he would be there for us.  He always stressed that when it came right down to it, family would always be there for you, you didn't question it but you did it because it's family and that's what family does.

Now my hero was dying and there was nothing I could do about it, for the past year I have seen him change from the strong and strong-willed man who always had control of his life choices and little by little having to give some of that control to us.  It was hard for him.  He could no longer fix the car (mustang) he loved, mow and maintain his yard, enjoy his food, or drive to wherever he felt like. 

I remember that last day I sat near his bed watching him, his skin was darker now from the chemo, his face was thin and his nose sharpened by the weight loss.  I didn't want him to leave but he was in so much pain and told us the day before it was okay, he was okay, he wasn't scared and ready.  I was scared but he wasn't.

I miss him every day, I keep thinking it will get better, and there are those days it does, but then something will happen in my life or my sisters, mom's or brothers and I'll want to pick up the phone and ask him what should we do or just stop by to say hi and visit for awhile and remember what's important, I think we all need that sometime, I know I do.  He was mommas rock and sometimes we leaned on him to much, but he was okay with that.

Reno

We finally made it to Reno but daddy was insistent to have dinner with the kids first, get the hotel room and he'd go in the morning after breakfast.  Stubborn.  Another rough night but we made it to breakfast and he promised we could take him right after.  The hospital was about two blocks away and it specialized in cancer patients.   Me and badoll went with him to the hospital and we would call Christina as soon as we knew to bring momma and everyone else. 

Daddy was in his wheelchair sitting straight and coherent, he was determine not to get any pity, while Badoll was with him on the side the ER desk was asking questions and I waited till he was out of earshot before I just started crying and telling her, please you have to help him, he hasn't eaten, he has trouble breathing and he has stage 4 kidney cancer.  They took him right away, within the hour he was in a room and we were all there except Gabe.  It was time to call him, he knew he was sick but now it was urgent.  The doctors were still optimistic but in our hearts we knew once they said pneumonia this was it.  I called Gabe and he was on the road, he would be there late evening, he was going to cut across Tehachapi to Reno.

They gave him some medication to relax him so he could rest but he had an allergic reaction and began to flail and try to get out of bed, it was the hardest thing but we were forced to have him restraint for his safety.  Then there were x-rays of the chest, the pneumonia was in one lung and it was a wait and see to see if it moved to his other lung. 

Finally, Winnemucca!

When we got to Winnemucca we all had to gas up.  Looking around town it was the worse, there were two crooks who tried to steal gas from Badoll.  Then they came around the car and daddy was convinced they were trying to steal something from us and the hospital was more like a outpatient free clinic than a hospital.  We decided that it would better to risk driving the additional two and half hours to Reno.  By now we knew the kids were hungry but we needed to get to Reno and they said they could wait.

I talk to daddy and told him we were going to Reno they have a better hospital there.  He agreed, but also said that as soon as we get there the kids need to eat and he wanted to take them to a buffet at the Circus Circus.  Alright, by now I was agreeing to anything just to get him to work with us on getting him to Reno.  Plus he was right they were hungry. 

The trip home

We started by 9am on Monday, July 5, 2011.  The night before was rough but we were ready for the long ride.  We talk to the kids and told them we were going to try to drive straight through, other than stopping for gas we were'nt stopping.  We needed to make it to Reno, daddy was getting worse.  He was disorented, then there were those times when he knew the exact place to turn, the exact freeway or if we were driving to fast.  During the drive it was me driving, daddy passenger, and momma and priscilla in the back seat.  I wanted to keep daddy alert so I would talk to him about past history and ask questions about grandpa and grandma.  Daddy was freezing, it was hot, in the middle of the desert and we had to keep the heater on high because he was so cold.  I would turn the heater on then open the back windows on low for momma and Priscilla because he always noticed if they were any lower.

We were driving for three hours when the oxygen ran out and we had to pull into a abandoned gas station to remove the tubing and put the tank in the back.  It was kind of funny because when we pulled over, others cars pulled in thinking it was an open gas station.  Now we were really worried because there was no oxygen and daddy's breathing was labored.  We were nowhere near a functioning town. 

Twenty minutes later we pulled out, the kids were great, they didn't complain at all.  Did there bathroom breaks, got their drinks and off we were again.  Now it was a long stretch of highway and daddy's eyes were getting worse plus the itching.  I gave him some benandryl and when he drank the water he started choking and stopped breathing,  I started screaming and hitting daddy on the chest, "daddy not now, not now!" while pulling over to the side, then Gadiel pulled behind me, then Badoll.  Daddy caught his breath and ordered to get back on the road.  We never had a chance to get off the car, I pulled out, then Gadiel, then Badoll.

An hour later we were at a regular gas station with restrooms, got off for a bathroom break, including daddy, drinks, and a quick meeting on where we were at and how much farther.  We decided we would try Winnemucca which was about another two hours away, maybe they would have a decent hospital.

Leaving Early

Everyone asked if I could talk to daddy, he needed to get to the hospital soon and maybe he would listen to me.  I asked him on Monday, "Please daddy we need to take you home" he agreed without any argument.  Said he was ready but he still wanted to take the kids to Reno. I was more concerned about getting him to a good hospital, we were way up in Idaho and the closest big hospital was Reno.  Boise was nearer but that would be going farther up north and that wouldn't work.  He didn't want it.  By this time daddy had a hard time breathing and couldn't stand for longer than a minute.  It was usually just from the chair to the car or bathroom.  He didn't get off the wheel chair otherwise.  It was surreal, our daddy was going to die but not at home.  We were'nt even close to home.  Everybody says we shouldn't have went to Idaho but he wanted it so bad and had been talking about it for over a year, it was important to US we give him this last wish.

We get packed quickly, Aunt Alex said don't worry about cleaning, although we tried to do it all quickly, and luckily she had some oxygen left in a tank from her asthma medical problems.  She hooked daddy up, said goodbye. I think she knew she wouldn't see him again.  It was good he got to see all his sibling before he was gone.  He saw Aunt Connie and Uncle Pat, Aunt Mary, Aunt Alex and Uncle Julian and Peter and Uncle Juans brother and wife.  Plus his neice Rosie and Florentino.  He saw Uncle Jessie, Uncle Leo, and Aunt Vera in Reno, Plus Aunt Lupe a week before in Tulare. 

It was good, but now the ride back was starting.

While in Idaho

We could see it was near - the first night we asked, pretty much demanded that he rest.  It had been a long day with the ride (16 hours), and settling in for the night that we knew he was tired but at the same time he wanted to be with everyone like he use to be able to do.  Anyway, me, Badoll, Peter, and Uncle wheeled him down to the trailer and while rolling down he asked where momma was, we told him she was going to stay up a while more visiting, and he yelled, "nope take me back," then began to sing the song "Volver, Volver."  He wanted to party till the end. 

When we finally all got to the trailer daddy began to hallucinate and was very restless, he would rest for about 10 minutes then jump up disoriented about where he was at.  He would periodically speak in Spanish and during this time Badoll would sit with him and then I would sit with him. 

Finally, it's morning and we're telling him we should go home, but no he was insistent that we take the kids around the area to see the trout farm, moose, lake, town, plus we were going to Aunt and Uncle's renewal of their vows in town.  Daddy decided to stay home and Uncle Juan's brother and wife were there and they would stay with him while we were gone.  It's Saturday and we knew it would be another long night for daddy.  He had a good time though, sitting on the porch, there was food, family and visiting.  He didn't eat much but he enjoyed sitting on the deck looking out for deer and bears.

1 year later

Today is one year since daddy's death and sometimes it still feels surreal.  I keep thinking I'll drive up to the house and he'll either be outside people watching or inside watching Judge Judy and all those people.  He love to watch those court shows, court tv, and CNN news all....day...   We miss you daddy, miss your quick wit that the grandkids inheritied and the patience we all try to instill in them, and the apathy of others we try to practice.  Thank you daddy.

Changes

For the past three weeks daddy's legs had gotten swollen and the skin really tight.  They also had a shine and a discoloring to them.  When we would take him to the doctor it was water retention but what daddy didn't tell us was that they were also in a lot of pain.  His walking was becoming slower and when one of us would take him to the doctor's he would sit down then one of us (sometimes even Samuel) would have to lift his legs into the car.  Daddy figured that once the chemo was done his legs would get better.  They had just told him that it look like the chemo was working and he may go into remission.  We were excited about this prognosis.

Winnemucca

We were on the road by 530am and our first stop would be a bathroom stop before Reno then we would stop in Winnemucca at a park outside of town for lunch.  Daddy knew the rest stop and where the park was, even momma was giving directions by this time.  In the morning while packing we took the walker and wheelchair for daddy.  He insisted he didn't need the wheelchair but we snuck it in to the back of Badoll's truck anyway, just in case.  When we got to the park at Winnemucca we unloaded all the lunch food and drinks and daddy got off the car but by now had to use the walker all the time.  I remember we were all set-up and daddy had to go to the restroom and we were all sitting down to eat.  When he came out he asked us if there was an earthquake because the bathroom shook, or maybe one of the kids was hitting the walls.  We just laughed and didn't think anything of it.  It was not till after when we research the signs of pneumonia did we see that one of the first signs was the body shaking.  We had no idea, maybe daddy did but didn't tell us.  Anyway after lunch he started back to the car with the walker and as he was getting in he almost fell over and caught himself in time with the door.  We were up the hill watching, "helpless" a feeling we would have for the rest of the trip.  Back into the car to our next stop, only after Winnemucca there is a big spread of nowhere!  We were literally in the middle of nowhere for about two hours.  No phone receptionm, gas stations, people.  There was nothing.  Again we stopped somewhere in Oregon for gas, daddy seemed alright, a little tired and quiet but still eating and alert.

On our Way

We again asked daddy the night before we left, July 1, 2010, "are you sure daddy, we can still cancel?"  No, I'll be up at 4am so we can leave by 5am.  He had calculated how many times we would stop and where and how many hours it would take for us to get to Aunt Alex's.  He caluculated that we should be there by 7 to 8pm that evening.  Badoll was travelling in her truck and needed to stop by my house to pick up some things from my house first then we would follow each other to mommas.  It was Badoll, Carlos, Adrianne, Priscilla, and Issac.  David had to work so it would be me, Esther and Samuel, and the night before I picked up momma and daddy's Chrsyler 300, I would be driving their car.  Badoll had four crates of peaches and nectarines to take plus all the clothes and other necessities.  We followed each other to momma and daddy's and drove up at 4am!  Daddy was already dressed packed and waiting for us outside sitting in the chair, waiting.  Sighing up a storm because momma, of course, was inside still packing her humungous bags/suitcases.  We almost couldn't fit all her bags.  Maria was staying at the house to watch their house and new dog Toby.  We were planning to leave July 2 and be back on the 7th.  We figured one day travel over, three days at Aunties, and one day at Reno, and one day travel back.  The seating arrangements were me driving, daddy passenger, and momma and Priscilla in the back.  In Badolls, it was Badoll and all the other kids, and we were meeting Christina, Gadiel and kids at Kleins on Herndon and 99.  Where again the seating was mixed again, Christina had Ellissa, Samuel, and Issac.  Badoll had Carlos, Adrianne, Bethany, and Esther.  We were set and our way.

Sunflowers

Daddy loved sunflowers, when Esther was a baby he would sing to her,

"You Are My Sunshine

My only sunshine.

You make me happy

When skies are grey.

You'll never know, dear,

How much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away"

That's what the kids meant to him.....

Idaho

I don't remember much about coming home from Idaho when I was eleven but I sure remember the trip in July 2010.  We kept talking to daddy about postponing the trip or cancelling but he was insistent and momma was better and actually excited about it (although she doesn't remember that now).  I think momma was just excited about getting out but still felt like the rest of us, that it wasn't a good idea for daddy to travel.  The past few weeks he wasn't able to drive or do as much as he use to.  One day he had decided he was going to get the mustang ready for a car show so he pushed the car out of the garage and decided he was going to change the spark plugs.  He placed a chair next to the mustang and tried to remove the spark plugs in the car but his hands weren't able to get into those tight spots and he didn't have the mobility like he did before.  I drove up and you could tell he was getting fustrated and angrier by the minute.  Momma was at the door when I walked in and told me that it was hard watching daddy because she knew he was getting upset about it.  It was just the whole thing.  His right arm had no more mobility.  His hands were swollen and he had no strength or energy to do what he wanted and that made him sad and quieter by the day.  The only thing that gave him any excitement was the trip to Idaho.  I think we knew it wasn't too much longer so we just went along with it.  We also figured that if this was it, we were going to do whatever it was he wanted most right now, and that was taking us to Idaho and giving the grandkids the memory.  I know this because on the last day before we left Idaho the kids were playing by the river and I was standing next to daddy while he was in the wheelchair and he asked me, "do you think they'll remember this trip?"  I remember what I told him verbatim, "yea daddy, they'll never forget this time, except for Issac because he's only five, but all the rest of the kids will remember it always daddy."  He just gave a big grin and kept watching the kids.  That's when I figured out why he wanted this so bad.  He knew, I don't think he knew he wouldn't make it back, but he knew he wouldn't be too much longer.

Teddy

I forgot, but momma and daddy had this big hairy fluffy dog, Teddy.  He was a bearded collie and the most loyal dog you can ever know.  He was daddy's dog and daddy wasn't a big dog person.  It's important to mention because during the time daddy got sick, we didn't know, but Teddy had also gotten cancer.  We didn't know it at the time but he was in a lot of pain.  When daddy got out of surgery he would stand in front of daddy while he was getting out of bed and in the bathroom so that he could hold on to or stop him from falling.  He also use to do the same thing for momma when she went to the restroom or walk around the house.  he was so tall and had this large wide flat back that they could lean onto.  Anyway, soon after daddy got out from his kidney surgery, Teddy wasn't doing too good, by now he was 13 years old.  They took him to the vet and found out he had cancer and probably for a while.  We always felt Teddy stayed alive as long as he could to take care of them.  About three weeks after daddy got out, momma and daddy had decided we could take him to SPCA to put him to sleep, so we all went to the house.  Momma and daddy couldn't do it, too hard, so Gadiel and Maria carried Teddy into the car (by now he couldn't walk anymore), I drove, Christina passenger, and Maria in back with Teddy laying his head on her.  On the Way he took this big breath and then he was gone.  We all heard it and pretty much knew what it meant, but it was confirmed when Maria yelled, "Stupid dog" and started to cry.  We were not more than a mile from the house.  We called daddy and momma and told them.  Daddy missed him a lot and always talked about him til he was gone.  We have Teddy engraved on the stone with a forest background.

Graduation 2010

Me and Chris had finally finished school at Fresno State and could march in May 2010.  Christina kept saying she wasn't going to walk but Gabriel said walk and I'll pay for a BBQ - It is a big deal and we should celebrate it!  So it was set-up, we invited the aunts and uncles and our godparents to the celebration at Christina's house.  There were two ceremonies, the smaller one with our department and then the large one in the Save-Mart Center for the whole 2010 graduating class, it was huge.  When we went to the smaller one momma and daddy went to the luncheon then the ceremony in the department smaller one in the Save-Mart Center.  Today daddy was just wearing regular clothes but he had his suit cleaned and him and momma were ready for the big one the next day. 

It's finally Saturday May 22, 2010 and daddy and momma were dressed.  It was hard because we had momma in a wheelchair and daddy in his suit that one year ago he was squeezing into and now he could drown in the suit it was so big on him but he was determined to go dressed to the graduation.  We were on the bottom and they were all there watching.  We finally found them on the top bottom level set-up for handicap.  It was hard when they had asked everyone to stand for the anthem and daddy could barely rise but he got up and stayed up during the whole song.  Then later he got up again when they asked all the parents of the graduates to rise and honor their accomplishments.  Me and Christina were watching and crying as daddy stood up with all the others, very proud, of his two new graduates.

Later at the BBQ he made a speech to the four of us telling us how proud he was to be our father and proud that all of his children have done very well, for himself, he said he always regretted he never finished school and happy that he could see all his children finish.  It was a big day for all of us.

Snowmobiling

We actually only stayed about four or five days.  It was travel one day over and one day back.  Today is the last day before we head back home.  We were having fun playing in the snow, I don't think I've seen as much snow since that time.  This last time we went to Idaho, it was in July so there was no snow and the rivers were not as high, plus we didn't have to go as far up north as before.

Aunt and Uncle has some land across the street that was a little flatter with less trees and this is where we rode snowmobiles for the first time.  Snowmobiles only have the gas and brake, no gear changing.  Kind of like go-carts which we had already had experience with since daddy use to build and race them a few years before.

It's my turn to ride so I get in front, but daddy is going to sit in the back and ride with me.  The gas was on the right handbar and for some reason just as daddy was getting ready to sit down behind me, I hit the gas, which scared the *&!@ out of me because it almost lifted in the front and took off, so I let go of the handlebar and stop.  But when I turn around daddy is standing with his knees bent, crouched like he was sitting on a horse with this stunned smile.  We just all started laughing and I rode back and started riding the snowmobile on my own.  It was fun and funny.

Doctor Meeting

A week before mother's day 2010, me, Badoll, and Chris meet with momma's doctor.  He was the one who prescribed the feeding tube and also kept insisting that we seriously think about putting her in convalescence.  Since that wasn't an option we needed to take control of the situation.  After meeting him we found out that she was taking some medication for nerve damage on her neck and back.  It wouldn't have been a bad thing but her body was not reacting good to the medication and was curbing her appetite and changing her disposition.  We decided to clear out everything with the doctor's approval, except for medications that were necessary for her heart, stomache, and pain.  Boy...was she mad at us.  Momma like everyone else, does not like having control of her decisions, and we went behind her back.  Mother's day was a bear but a week later she was eating and getting back to the momma we knew, and just in time for our Graduation two weeks later.

It was a hard decision at the time and tough for us to stand our ground, but in the long run it has helped alot since soon after, daddy passed, and if we didn't do it before she might not be here with us today driving around in her little blue bug. 

Plus, during these past few months, daddy would remind us and get reassurance about still going to Idaho.  "Don't forget we're going to Idaho in July."  Now that momma was better again, the trip was definitely going to happen now and there was nothing we could do to stop daddy from planning it now.

To the Rescue!

When Aunt and Uncle figured out we weren't behind them, they backtracked and found us stranded on the side of the road.  Because they were already familiar with the area and weather conditions Uncle knew right away what to do.  Uncle jumped on the back of the bumper and started bouncing it while daddy drove the truck forward because by this time the truck was also stuck in the ice and needed some traction to get going forward again.  But, the ferry had stopped crossing and we needed to find a place to sleep.

Few funny happenings during this time;  while they were taking care of the truck, grandpa got off the truck and decided he could walk across with daddy and Uncle, but he started sliding around, and grandma is in the car yelling out, "viejo!!" it was just one of the funniest scenes, because then, at the same time, we are all in the station wagon and we could hear this rattling and we are all looking around because we couldn't figure out where it was coming from, finally grandma, said, "it's me, my knees" she has something between her knees and it was so cold her legs were shaking and making the rattling noise against this.  We just all starting busting up, it kind of broke the ice.

End of day - we found a cabin with a couple of rooms, some blankets, but we only ate some sliced bread and something else, I don't remember.  During this time, all the stores closed early and we weren't able to buy anything to eat, but the good news is, that in Canada it you stay 24 hours you can buy liquor and cross the border with it ...WooHoo!! Daddy stocked-up and bought some for gifts, I think he bought most because they came in these really decorative bottles.  Then we ate and cross the ferry back to Bonners Ferry for another day.

Exhaustion!

We were exhausted.  By this time I was at the house two, three times a day, along with Badoll on the way home from work and sometimes before, and Christina in the morning and sometimes evenings.  There were appointments, feeding tube changes, breakfasts, lunch, dinners, and our own errands with our own families.  We needed help desperately. 

It happen that at this time, Maria was attending college in Fresno and staying at our house during the week to save on gas and money and going home on weekends.  We talked to daddy and asked if it would be alright if Maria could stay with them and help us out during the evenings and weekends because we didn't want her to compromise any time with her schooling but needed help after, and she was willing to help us out too.  Momma was reluctant at first but warmed up to the idea soon after.  Maria would run to the market for them and cook dinners.  Phew, our lifesaver.  But, showers that was a whole different story, the only person momma would allow to help her out with showers, was me.  Daddy would call me to give her a shower because by this time she couldn't even stand for longer than a couple of minutes, and a shower would make her feel better and sleep better. 

Then there was the falling, momma would wake up during the night, disoriented and fall and daddy with his arm, had a hard time picking her up.  Maria would help a lot, but on nights she was gone, daddy would call asking for help and either me or David would go to the house around 1 or 2 in morning to help daddy pick her up (we live only two miles away from their house).  This was hard, not because of the picking-up, that wasn't even a problem, it was that we didn't understand why this was happening to her.  We needed to talk again to the doctors, and asked daddy if he minded we talked to him together, by this time he knew something had to be done because she still wasn't eating and started to become very combative.

Nelson, BC

Today were suppose to drive up to Nelson, British Columbia and take the ferry to Victoria Islands.  We drive up and the ferry was the coolest thing for us.  We had never been on a boat where you actually drive your car onto and park.  We needed to cross the Columbia River.  Daddy drove the car to a storage area underneath the deck of the boat and parked.  We walk-up to the top and then there is this coffeshop with snacks and hot chocolate.  Even though it was freezing we wanted to be on deck to see everything.  It took the ferry about 20 minutes to cross.  The widest river I have seen so far.  It was huge, deep and the water was icy and choppy, but the coolest.  Once the boat docked, we walked underneath again and drive the car off, Alex and Junie had come in their station wagon.  We drove onto Nelson and saw the Victoria Islands.  It was beautiful, this side of Canada has more of the Great Britain influences, so we saw more buildings looking like the parliment in London, at least what I've seen in pictures. 

We spent most of the day there and around 4pm we started heading back to the ferry again.  We were in the truck with daddy and Aunt and Uncle following, but we must of lost each other, because next thing you know daddy missed the turn and pretty soon we were lost.  By now the roads have a layer of ice over them and the truck starting sliding and we started to cry, momma telling us to keep quiet because daddy needed to watch his driving so we sat there with our teeth clenched and jerking everytime the truck started to slide.  It wasn't getting any better and there seemed to be more and more cars stranded on the side of the road, so daddy pulled over and waited.  Now..this is in 1971 - No Cell Phones !! Daddy, the social one, started talking to everyone else, there must have been five to eight cars parked there, and there was this large cliff in the middle of the road dividing the two opposite lanes.  You could actually see rocks sliding down this crevice.  Even to walk you would slide around and we were scared we would slide into the cliff.  Get it...Cliffhanger!!!

Gaining speed

By now momma is home and daddy is still driving around to run errands.  Momma can't get out and isn't doing too good and he doesn't want anyone to know how bad things are going right now.  We've been thrown for a loop, momma isn't eating.  She is not eating anything.  We're desperate trying to make her favorites, and daddy's driving to Panne' too pick up the broccoli and cheese soup she likes.  She will take a spoon and start throwing up.  Something is not right.  Eventually we have to take her to the hospital and her potassium is at a dangerously low level so she's admitted and put on a feeding tube and an IV of potassium to try and replenish the minerals her body needs.  Seven days.  And the only reason she is discharged is because medicare won't cover more than a seven day stay.  Her weight is down to 92 pounds and going down more.  Daddy is exhausted, he can barely use his arm and he can't figure what's going on or how to get her to eat anything.  They end up putting a feeding tube in her chest, and me, Chris and Badoll are trained on how to clean, connect and disconnect her liquid food.  The only thing that sustains her now.  We are told that if we can't get her to eat and gain weight she won't make it.  Doctors keep telling daddy she needs to be admitted into the convalescent.  NOPE, daddy fought with everything, momma was not going to go to a convalescent, we would take care of her.

Idaho 1971

We finally get settled in, we slept upstairs with the girls and momma and daddy slept in the basement.  It was scarrrryyy... there was a window even with the ground level and you could see the snow outside.  There was a big bed and it was surrounded by every kind of wild hunting game animal you could think of; deer, elk, moose, bear, and more.  We fell asleep all pretty fast, after the long ride and the excitement we were tired.  Momma and daddy had trouble because during the night a bear was scratching at the window during the night and they could hear the low growling.  Totally different kind of wild life then we were use to in Tulare, ha ! ha ! 

But early in the morning we had this huge breakfast Aunt Alex has made us and we sat all together in the dining room all warm with the fireplace and hungry as bears.  Then it was dressing and getting ready for the day.  We went into town which was about fifteen miles away.  Can you imagine, driving that far to go to the market! Then Uncle took us out hunting and he shot a grouse right in the middle, feathers and guts all flew out.  Later Aunt Alex cooked it, it wasn't much meat but we weren't up to trying it anyway.  Kind of like when daddy killed the chickens and cooked them at Grandma's in Porterville, not too appetizing after seeing the kill.  The plan for the next day was for Badoll and us (I don't remember if it was all four us or not), but we were going to take the bus with our cousins to their school for the day. Like we really wanted to go to school, ha! were on vacation....

Time's a goin'

By November we had been through the 911 call, the diagnosis, the kidney surgery, and Thanksgiving, you would think it couldn't get worse.  Not!  Now we find out momma's neck had deteriorated extensively and was hanging down, literally.  Surgery was scheduled for January 15, 2010.  However, by this time we hadn't seen the other signals momma was going through physically. 

Surgery was at Fresno Community and it was longer than usual but she made it through.  But according to doctors this was it, any more would be too risky.  They had to put some synthetic bones and pins on her neck which allowed her more mobility and strength in her neck.  This was just the beginning of the medical trauma her body would go through.  Even though we were breathing a huge sigh of relief, we weren't aware things would get worse for both of them. 

Daddy was still planing Idaho,  always the optimist.

Happy Father's Day

Esther "Badoll (Baby Doll)"

Gabriel "Gabe"

Christina "Chris"

Me Barbara "Barb"

                                                                                         

Idaho 1971

I was eleven years old and we were all going to Idaho.  Momma, Daddy, us, and Grandma and Granpa Garcia.  Daddy had a white ford pickup with a huge, I mean huge camper shell.  It hung over the top and the back end.  Kind of scary when you think of it now, but their wasn't so many road restrictions regarding weight, seatbelts, or even carrying people in the back.  Well the day comes and according to Aunt Alex we should'nt hit any snow, it was the first week of October and they didn't expect snow for a couple of weeks.  So we leave, Daddy driving, momma in the center and Grandma passenger.  Granpa got in the back with the rest of us and of course me and badoll get carsick, so a couple of hours out were throwing up, grandpa just shaking his head.  But daddy pulls over, we throw-up, then keep going.  We would eventually fall asleep and stop the throwing up.  We finally get to Walla Walla, Washington but we were lost, suppose to have gone to Walla, Washington.  Who names their towns this?  Anyway, the snow that wasn't suppose to happen, "it was snowing."  We stayed the night in Washington, we get to the hotel and it was for daddy and momma ONLY.  The rest of us ran in, while he waved us in one at a time from the top stairs.  We'd better run up fast too, or we'd get the look.  Except grandma, grandpa - I don't remember if they got their own room or snuck in too, but we were tired and knocked out quick.  Early next morning we leave again,  I think me and badoll were still yellow or greeen from all the car sickness but we were still excited.  It was now snowing nonstop.  Ten hours later we finally make it to Bonners Ferry, Idaho.  Man ....it took us almost 20+ hours to get there.  They lived 20 miles from the Canadian/British Columbia Victoria Islands.  When we drove up to their house, it was a two story white wood house, with a full-size basement and the backdoor faced the highway.  They owned land around the house and across the highway.  You couldn't even see the closest house around them.  No near next door neighbor.  They have to take the bus to school.  We coudn't even conceptulize this.  Who takes the bus? Don't we all walk to school? and then the cousins run outside BAREFOOT in the snow.  We come from Tulare where the summers are 115+ and the winters maybe 35 and we're sitting here in 20 below temps freezing.  Crazy.

Planning Idaho

Soon after his diagnosis, daddy brought up the trip to Idaho again.  He had been talking about taking us for a couple of years now.  Momma and daddy had just gone a few years back and they both spoke of how you could lean over their balcony and throw your pole into the Little Salmon River in their backyard.  "That's how close it was" daddy always said.  He knew Gadiel and David love to fish and would both enjoy it.  Plus he wanted to show the kids the country.  We got to go in 1971 when they lived in Bonners Ferry and now he wanted to take the grandkids.  There was always some work scheduling conflicts the past two years but now he was determined to go and it was going to be in July 2010.  Sounded silly at the time since they had only given him 6-8 months to live.  But daddy said he was going to beat the cancer and would be able to go to Idaho.  So we all agreed we would go and the date to leave was July 2, 2010.  It was only August 2009.  He would call Aunt Alex and arrange it with her.  It was a goal for him and us.  At the time we decided, we still hadn't noticed how momma health was deteriorating, but I don't even think she did either because at the time she was okay with going.  She even seemed excited about it and would tell us about the water and how close it was, but also warned how dangerous it was too.

Father's Day

It's a difficult week for us this year, as I'm sure it will be from now on, but this will be the first year without daddy.  Last year we took him to Hume Lake,momma, me, kids, Badoll & Chris and the kids.  We wanted it to be somewhere nice instead of the basic backyard bbq.  Instead, we took the BBQ to the lake with all the fixings.  Badoll took a hammock which was perfect because as soon as we got there it was set-up, daddy wrapped himself in the blanket, covered his head with a straw haw and went to sleep.  By this time he was having chemo every week and his body along with all the side effects, had lost all resistance to the cold.  Plus last year was colder than it usually is in June.  Although he slept most of the time it was a good day filled with fun for the kids (they got into the lake) and lots of good food to enjoy.  Daddy actually got up and ate and went back to sleep, every once in awhile he would wave his hat around to let us know he was okay.  He was happy and comfortable there and we were all relaxed. 

This year it will definitely be different without him but as the old saying goes, "life goes on" even though it's changed it still goes on.  We all miss you daddy and loved you and still wish things were different but as you told us that last day, "don't worry, your okay."

After the Kidney

After the surgery daddy was home resting for a few days then on to the holidays.  When they did the surgery there was some cancer on the liver, and because they had to move it around and remove some, his liver would be compromised even more since he already had cirrhosis of the liver.  This was the first time we saw his skin turn really yellow.  At the end his skin was a grey mixed with yellow, but for now it was yellow and the doctors said it would take a while to clear up.  The first round of radiation was already done, now it was the first round of chemo pill with all the side effects.  The first round.  There was a list a mile long of side effects, scary to read them but we needed to be aware.  The hair loss wasn't even a issue, actually we think he grew some hairs on the top of his head.  Kind of funny, but the most uncomfortable was the throat and the burning on the tongue and lips.  He got the bone aches, the tiredness. The tiredness, very very tired.  It was hard seeing daddy go through all the changes.  We were use to him being able to get up and go.  Now it was an effort to walk down the hallway, then sleeping was hard.  We would make meals for them, and usually something soft without any spices, momma couldn't have the spices either.  At first we/he thought the spices were what made his mouth burn more, but eventually it was just anything that touched his tongue and mouth area.  Some mornings I would go and make homemade butter biscuits,  Soups, abondigas and chicken, he would cool down before eating, and no tomatoes, just carrots and potatoes with the meat and very little salt.  They gave him a throat spray but it didn't help the taste of food, food had a metallic taste too.  Badoll would bring meals, Christina would make cocido.  But this was still the beginning of the weight loss, which by the end was significant and sadly noticeable.  But even with all this he tried to keep his goal of making through the cancer and fighting with everything he could.  STARBUCKS helped a lot, he loved to have strawberry frappacinos, something Christina introduced him too.  They were cool and sweet, diabetes sugar levels weren't even a priority by now.

Get the kidney out!

By this time he had already had a minor surgery to get a sample of the tumor on his right shoulder and put a metal bar inside his right upper arm bone connected to the ball joint where the tumor was sitting on.  The goal was to give him some more mobility on his right arm.  It did give him some movement and at least it wasn't just hanging there anymore.

Now a couple of hours before he has his kidney removed we're all with him, we had written daddy a letter on how he enhanced our childhood and made us better people.  We were all scared this would be it.  So was he.  The surgery was a risky surgery.  His right kidney would have to be removed, it was completely encased in a larger tumor. 

Off he goes to surgery, and off we go to the waiting room where several of his sisters and brothers, neices and nephews are waiting also.... four hours later he's doing good, they were able to completely remove the kidney.

The funny part is that when he woke up in surgery he was convinced he was dead because he was surrounded by other patients covered in white sheets, lined up .. and it reminded him of the movie Coma.  Then...none of the family were allowed in yet, but when his cousins, Albert, Sylvia, Norma and Aunt Soccorro just walked in he figured he was still alive.  You had to be there I guess.

Car Shows

Lately we've been getting flyers for the car shows in the area.  Daddy would go to Tulare in the Spring, Clovis Big Hat Days, Clovis Fest, Christmas Parade with the  mustang club.  The last parade, Christmas in Fresno, he had a couple of the grandkids ride with him.  Bethany in the front.  But he also loved the NASCAR, him and Gabe would go to the races.  At the end it was the plan to go again but with the chemo he wasn't up to the trip.

Gabe and daddy always were into some sort of motor vehicle.  Daddy use to race go-carts in Tulare when we were little.  He would build his own motor and car with Gabriel.  Later they started with the dirt bikes, then Gabe started racing.  Momma went to watch once and saw Gabe get hurt and decided she wasn't going to go again to see him get hurt again.  But they continued,  Gabriel happen to get in it when it started to grow in Tulare, so he was one of the first dirt bike racers in the area.  Now it's a big event to watch.  Eventually they started to go to the NASCAR races and the grandkids starting watching them on TV, Samuel would watch them with grandpa and he likes all those race shows; Speed, Pinks, Extreme dirt bikes, and NASCAR.  Samuel even has some of his hot wheels on his stone.  Grandpa has kept his spirit of racing in the kids spirit, among other positive influences.

St. Patricks Day

Ten years ago momma, daddy, me, David, and Esther all drove into San Francisco for the Saint Patrick's Day parade.  Front row seats in front of Union Square.  We had a good time and got to pretend to be Irish for a day.  Plus eat corned beef and cabbage, daddy liked corned beef but especially the cabbage, anytime I made soup; abondigas, cocido, or chicken it had to have a lot of cabbage and carrots.

Day before the surgery

The day before they were going to remove his kidney we all had dinner at Christina's.  Momma, daddy, all of us kids, spouses, and the grandchildren.  Daddy wanted to talk to us and the grandkids.  A couple of hours before he had me type a "contract" for each of the grandkids which he signed and they were to sign.

My Promise to Grandpa

I will always be a good student in school.

I will Never do drugs.

I will respect my parents.

I will graduate from high school and go on to college.

I will visit grandpa’s graves sight once a year.

You are the best grandkids a grandpa could ever have.

Thank you.

Signed: ­_____________________

Each one got the contract and signed, even Issac who was 4-1/2 at the time.  Even then he was thinking of the kids and their future.  That was what he said he would miss the most, not seeing his grandchildren finish school and see all their accomplishments.  For the past three years daddy has gone to Samuel's Pinewood Derby races and Samuel has won so far every year, including this year.  We all missed him there this year and will miss all future events with the kids, all the grandkids. 

The Results

It took about a week to get the results.  They were good.  Even Dr. Ravi was surprised, he originally gave daddy six to eight months, when the dye went trhough the kidneys into the tube, showing that the cancer had not spread and daddy only needed to have the kidney removed and then start the chemo he felt it would add some more time.

By this time one of us or all of us went with momma and daddy for any doctor appointment.  I think it use to bother him.  Maybe he felt we were treating him as a child or not trusting him, but we were not taking any more chances.  We were there whether he liked it or not. 

The surgery was scheduled in October to remove the kidney, first week.  One week after the family picnic and the Filipino dinner.  We were all a little more hopeful.  Maybe daddy would beat this cancer just like he believed he could and in the back of our minds we kept thinking he would be the one to do it.

Knee Surgery

Years ago, maybe twenty years ago, daddy had to have a knee replacement.  He kept trying to put it off but finally decided to go through with it.  Daddy has not been in the hospital ever, I don't think he was even born in a hospital and when we were born they didn't let dad's in the room till after the birth.  No hospital as a patient, just a visitor.  Daddy dresses for his surgery.  Sweat pants.  The importance of sweat pants didn't mean anything at the moment but when he registered and started prep for the surgery, he proceeded to lift the sweat pant on the leg for knee surgery and told them he was ready.  Ha! Ha!  Boy was he upset when he found out he had to totally undress for a "knee" surgery. 

Later, after the surgery the doctor informed him that after the anesthesia wore off he would have some pain so they provided him with a liquid codiene that was suppose to last seven days.  NOT.  The anesthesia wore off and he couldn't drink it fast enough in a day and a half.  Luckily the doctor renewed the prescription and he made this one last till the end of week.

"kidneys"

We our having our meeting with the oncologist.  First they will need to insert some dye and take an MRI of daddy's kidney.  The doctor needs to check to see if the dyes flows through the kidney and out to the vein.  It it does, that's a good thing.  It means there is no blockage and a good chance the cancer hasn't spread to other areas.  The funny thing is that daddy is totally claustrophobic.  We didn't know this till a few years ago when he had to do a MRI for prostate.  They asked him if he would be okay, because momma usually gets sedated and she warned him it could get claustrophobic.  Daddy said no problem.  Well "John" put him on the table, set the  music and told him, "okay Ray, if you get nervous just knock on the wall and we'll pull you out."  Slowly they pull him into the tube, bam!  Daddy starts screaming and kicking.  "Get me the hell out of here John!"  Claustrophobic. 

Another MRI but this time they said his whole body wouldn't go in and it would be a circle MRI.