My Hero

Daddy was our hero, when we were little he would work sometimes three jobs; Pepsi, selling vacuum cleaners, and a hamburger shop, but when he was home it was our time.  Momma would tell us, "daddy's home" and we would run and jump on him, get his paper, his slippers and sit around him on his chair.  If it was during the day he would take us to Maple school to fly kites, play paddle ball or get sick while turning us on the merry-go-around and sometimes take day rides to Yosemite, Hume Lake, Huntington Lake or Pismo.  That was something because he would get car sick, boat sick, plane sick, and sick turning us on the merry-go-around. 

Daddy rarely yelled but when he asked something of us we didn't respond with a "what" or "wait" or "I know."  It was understood and expected, because he gave more than we gave back and in our hearts we knew no matter what he would be there for us.  He always stressed that when it came right down to it, family would always be there for you, you didn't question it but you did it because it's family and that's what family does.

Now my hero was dying and there was nothing I could do about it, for the past year I have seen him change from the strong and strong-willed man who always had control of his life choices and little by little having to give some of that control to us.  It was hard for him.  He could no longer fix the car (mustang) he loved, mow and maintain his yard, enjoy his food, or drive to wherever he felt like. 

I remember that last day I sat near his bed watching him, his skin was darker now from the chemo, his face was thin and his nose sharpened by the weight loss.  I didn't want him to leave but he was in so much pain and told us the day before it was okay, he was okay, he wasn't scared and ready.  I was scared but he wasn't.

I miss him every day, I keep thinking it will get better, and there are those days it does, but then something will happen in my life or my sisters, mom's or brothers and I'll want to pick up the phone and ask him what should we do or just stop by to say hi and visit for awhile and remember what's important, I think we all need that sometime, I know I do.  He was mommas rock and sometimes we leaned on him to much, but he was okay with that.