Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Happy Birthday Daddy
One of daddy's favorite singers, he sang this song on the way to Idaho, nine days before his passing on the 11th. Goodbye Daddy, Thank you.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Our last day
Eventually his body starting shutting down, his kidneys, liver, all internal organs, his breathing was getting harder and now he was on oxygen always. Doctors were still not telling us everything. We knew something wasn't right, even by now daddy knew it was near the end. We decided to ask the nurse straight out what was going on. She was great, she brought the doctor in and told us it would be only hours now, maybe 24, maybe 2. We wanted to know what to expect. Now it was time to ask him what he wanted. He had told us pretty much a lot during the past few months, but we needed the little details, and we got it all down. Then he talked to all of us; he wasn't scared and not to worry he would be okay, told us he loved us and we were the best kids he could ever have wanted, and to be sure we took care of our families and he reminded us; "make sure you take care of your momma." He told us this couple of times and we promised it was not even a question. Than he smiled, closed his eyes... and we waited.
Around 5am, daddy took his oxygen mask off, told us he was tired and he was gone within ten minutes. It was the longest ten minutes I have ever experienced. I sat there in the chair waiting, I would never hear daddy tells us his funny stories, shake his head because we did something dumb, or laugh because we told some joke, again and again. Never again would he tell us while he was eating a subway sandwich, that he could feel the pounds peel off, or about how he never had Christmas presents as a young boy, that's why they had tamales; so they would have something to unwrap. Or, what about how when he grew up, he had a different fork every time he ate some of his food; tortillas. He would never again be there for the grandkids baseball games, football games, award ceremonies, piano recitals, graduations, and all the family bar-b-ques or parties we had. He love to party, he loved to eat and drink, but most of all he loved his family ... and we loved him with everything we could give because he gave us twice back.
Now I visit him at the cemetery where his stone has a picture of momma and daddy on their wedding day, a forest scene on the bottom, and teddy there sitting with daddy.
We love you daddy, and miss you every day, but you’re in our hearts.... forever.
Around 5am, daddy took his oxygen mask off, told us he was tired and he was gone within ten minutes. It was the longest ten minutes I have ever experienced. I sat there in the chair waiting, I would never hear daddy tells us his funny stories, shake his head because we did something dumb, or laugh because we told some joke, again and again. Never again would he tell us while he was eating a subway sandwich, that he could feel the pounds peel off, or about how he never had Christmas presents as a young boy, that's why they had tamales; so they would have something to unwrap. Or, what about how when he grew up, he had a different fork every time he ate some of his food; tortillas. He would never again be there for the grandkids baseball games, football games, award ceremonies, piano recitals, graduations, and all the family bar-b-ques or parties we had. He love to party, he loved to eat and drink, but most of all he loved his family ... and we loved him with everything we could give because he gave us twice back.
Now I visit him at the cemetery where his stone has a picture of momma and daddy on their wedding day, a forest scene on the bottom, and teddy there sitting with daddy.
We love you daddy, and miss you every day, but you’re in our hearts.... forever.
September 2009 Porterville Filipino Reunion
August 23, 2009 Birthday
June 1978 BBQ at Tulare Union
Pepsi-Cola 1974
8/9 Years Old
15-18 years old
Valley Cruiser BBQ 198??
Fresno State Graduation BBQ May 22, 2010
Thanksgiving 2009
Idaho July 4, 2010
Our last Christmas w/Daddy at my house 2009
January 1960
My Hero
Daddy was our hero, when we were little he would work sometimes three jobs; Pepsi, selling vacuum cleaners, and a hamburger shop, but when he was home it was our time. Momma would tell us, "daddy's home" and we would run and jump on him, get his paper, his slippers and sit around him on his chair. If it was during the day he would take us to Maple school to fly kites, play paddle ball or get sick while turning us on the merry-go-around and sometimes take day rides to Yosemite, Hume Lake, Huntington Lake or Pismo. That was something because he would get car sick, boat sick, plane sick, and sick turning us on the merry-go-around.
Daddy rarely yelled but when he asked something of us we didn't respond with a "what" or "wait" or "I know." It was understood and expected, because he gave more than we gave back and in our hearts we knew no matter what he would be there for us. He always stressed that when it came right down to it, family would always be there for you, you didn't question it but you did it because it's family and that's what family does.
Now my hero was dying and there was nothing I could do about it, for the past year I have seen him change from the strong and strong-willed man who always had control of his life choices and little by little having to give some of that control to us. It was hard for him. He could no longer fix the car (mustang) he loved, mow and maintain his yard, enjoy his food, or drive to wherever he felt like.
I remember that last day I sat near his bed watching him, his skin was darker now from the chemo, his face was thin and his nose sharpened by the weight loss. I didn't want him to leave but he was in so much pain and told us the day before it was okay, he was okay, he wasn't scared and ready. I was scared but he wasn't.
I miss him every day, I keep thinking it will get better, and there are those days it does, but then something will happen in my life or my sisters, mom's or brothers and I'll want to pick up the phone and ask him what should we do or just stop by to say hi and visit for awhile and remember what's important, I think we all need that sometime, I know I do. He was mommas rock and sometimes we leaned on him to much, but he was okay with that.
Daddy rarely yelled but when he asked something of us we didn't respond with a "what" or "wait" or "I know." It was understood and expected, because he gave more than we gave back and in our hearts we knew no matter what he would be there for us. He always stressed that when it came right down to it, family would always be there for you, you didn't question it but you did it because it's family and that's what family does.
Now my hero was dying and there was nothing I could do about it, for the past year I have seen him change from the strong and strong-willed man who always had control of his life choices and little by little having to give some of that control to us. It was hard for him. He could no longer fix the car (mustang) he loved, mow and maintain his yard, enjoy his food, or drive to wherever he felt like.
I remember that last day I sat near his bed watching him, his skin was darker now from the chemo, his face was thin and his nose sharpened by the weight loss. I didn't want him to leave but he was in so much pain and told us the day before it was okay, he was okay, he wasn't scared and ready. I was scared but he wasn't.
I miss him every day, I keep thinking it will get better, and there are those days it does, but then something will happen in my life or my sisters, mom's or brothers and I'll want to pick up the phone and ask him what should we do or just stop by to say hi and visit for awhile and remember what's important, I think we all need that sometime, I know I do. He was mommas rock and sometimes we leaned on him to much, but he was okay with that.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Reno
We finally made it to Reno but daddy was insistent to have dinner with the kids first, get the hotel room and he'd go in the morning after breakfast. Stubborn. Another rough night but we made it to breakfast and he promised we could take him right after. The hospital was about two blocks away and it specialized in cancer patients. Me and badoll went with him to the hospital and we would call Christina as soon as we knew to bring momma and everyone else.
Daddy was in his wheelchair sitting straight and coherent, he was determine not to get any pity, while Badoll was with him on the side the ER desk was asking questions and I waited till he was out of earshot before I just started crying and telling her, please you have to help him, he hasn't eaten, he has trouble breathing and he has stage 4 kidney cancer. They took him right away, within the hour he was in a room and we were all there except Gabe. It was time to call him, he knew he was sick but now it was urgent. The doctors were still optimistic but in our hearts we knew once they said pneumonia this was it. I called Gabe and he was on the road, he would be there late evening, he was going to cut across Tehachapi to Reno.
They gave him some medication to relax him so he could rest but he had an allergic reaction and began to flail and try to get out of bed, it was the hardest thing but we were forced to have him restraint for his safety. Then there were x-rays of the chest, the pneumonia was in one lung and it was a wait and see to see if it moved to his other lung.
Daddy was in his wheelchair sitting straight and coherent, he was determine not to get any pity, while Badoll was with him on the side the ER desk was asking questions and I waited till he was out of earshot before I just started crying and telling her, please you have to help him, he hasn't eaten, he has trouble breathing and he has stage 4 kidney cancer. They took him right away, within the hour he was in a room and we were all there except Gabe. It was time to call him, he knew he was sick but now it was urgent. The doctors were still optimistic but in our hearts we knew once they said pneumonia this was it. I called Gabe and he was on the road, he would be there late evening, he was going to cut across Tehachapi to Reno.
They gave him some medication to relax him so he could rest but he had an allergic reaction and began to flail and try to get out of bed, it was the hardest thing but we were forced to have him restraint for his safety. Then there were x-rays of the chest, the pneumonia was in one lung and it was a wait and see to see if it moved to his other lung.
Finally, Winnemucca!
When we got to Winnemucca we all had to gas up. Looking around town it was the worse, there were two crooks who tried to steal gas from Badoll. Then they came around the car and daddy was convinced they were trying to steal something from us and the hospital was more like a outpatient free clinic than a hospital. We decided that it would better to risk driving the additional two and half hours to Reno. By now we knew the kids were hungry but we needed to get to Reno and they said they could wait.
I talk to daddy and told him we were going to Reno they have a better hospital there. He agreed, but also said that as soon as we get there the kids need to eat and he wanted to take them to a buffet at the Circus Circus. Alright, by now I was agreeing to anything just to get him to work with us on getting him to Reno. Plus he was right they were hungry.
I talk to daddy and told him we were going to Reno they have a better hospital there. He agreed, but also said that as soon as we get there the kids need to eat and he wanted to take them to a buffet at the Circus Circus. Alright, by now I was agreeing to anything just to get him to work with us on getting him to Reno. Plus he was right they were hungry.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The trip home
We started by 9am on Monday, July 5, 2011. The night before was rough but we were ready for the long ride. We talk to the kids and told them we were going to try to drive straight through, other than stopping for gas we were'nt stopping. We needed to make it to Reno, daddy was getting worse. He was disorented, then there were those times when he knew the exact place to turn, the exact freeway or if we were driving to fast. During the drive it was me driving, daddy passenger, and momma and priscilla in the back seat. I wanted to keep daddy alert so I would talk to him about past history and ask questions about grandpa and grandma. Daddy was freezing, it was hot, in the middle of the desert and we had to keep the heater on high because he was so cold. I would turn the heater on then open the back windows on low for momma and Priscilla because he always noticed if they were any lower.
We were driving for three hours when the oxygen ran out and we had to pull into a abandoned gas station to remove the tubing and put the tank in the back. It was kind of funny because when we pulled over, others cars pulled in thinking it was an open gas station. Now we were really worried because there was no oxygen and daddy's breathing was labored. We were nowhere near a functioning town.
Twenty minutes later we pulled out, the kids were great, they didn't complain at all. Did there bathroom breaks, got their drinks and off we were again. Now it was a long stretch of highway and daddy's eyes were getting worse plus the itching. I gave him some benandryl and when he drank the water he started choking and stopped breathing, I started screaming and hitting daddy on the chest, "daddy not now, not now!" while pulling over to the side, then Gadiel pulled behind me, then Badoll. Daddy caught his breath and ordered to get back on the road. We never had a chance to get off the car, I pulled out, then Gadiel, then Badoll.
An hour later we were at a regular gas station with restrooms, got off for a bathroom break, including daddy, drinks, and a quick meeting on where we were at and how much farther. We decided we would try Winnemucca which was about another two hours away, maybe they would have a decent hospital.
We were driving for three hours when the oxygen ran out and we had to pull into a abandoned gas station to remove the tubing and put the tank in the back. It was kind of funny because when we pulled over, others cars pulled in thinking it was an open gas station. Now we were really worried because there was no oxygen and daddy's breathing was labored. We were nowhere near a functioning town.
Twenty minutes later we pulled out, the kids were great, they didn't complain at all. Did there bathroom breaks, got their drinks and off we were again. Now it was a long stretch of highway and daddy's eyes were getting worse plus the itching. I gave him some benandryl and when he drank the water he started choking and stopped breathing, I started screaming and hitting daddy on the chest, "daddy not now, not now!" while pulling over to the side, then Gadiel pulled behind me, then Badoll. Daddy caught his breath and ordered to get back on the road. We never had a chance to get off the car, I pulled out, then Gadiel, then Badoll.
An hour later we were at a regular gas station with restrooms, got off for a bathroom break, including daddy, drinks, and a quick meeting on where we were at and how much farther. We decided we would try Winnemucca which was about another two hours away, maybe they would have a decent hospital.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Leaving Early
Everyone asked if I could talk to daddy, he needed to get to the hospital soon and maybe he would listen to me. I asked him on Monday, "Please daddy we need to take you home" he agreed without any argument. Said he was ready but he still wanted to take the kids to Reno. I was more concerned about getting him to a good hospital, we were way up in Idaho and the closest big hospital was Reno. Boise was nearer but that would be going farther up north and that wouldn't work. He didn't want it. By this time daddy had a hard time breathing and couldn't stand for longer than a minute. It was usually just from the chair to the car or bathroom. He didn't get off the wheel chair otherwise. It was surreal, our daddy was going to die but not at home. We were'nt even close to home. Everybody says we shouldn't have went to Idaho but he wanted it so bad and had been talking about it for over a year, it was important to US we give him this last wish.
We get packed quickly, Aunt Alex said don't worry about cleaning, although we tried to do it all quickly, and luckily she had some oxygen left in a tank from her asthma medical problems. She hooked daddy up, said goodbye. I think she knew she wouldn't see him again. It was good he got to see all his sibling before he was gone. He saw Aunt Connie and Uncle Pat, Aunt Mary, Aunt Alex and Uncle Julian and Peter and Uncle Juans brother and wife. Plus his neice Rosie and Florentino. He saw Uncle Jessie, Uncle Leo, and Aunt Vera in Reno, Plus Aunt Lupe a week before in Tulare.
It was good, but now the ride back was starting.
We get packed quickly, Aunt Alex said don't worry about cleaning, although we tried to do it all quickly, and luckily she had some oxygen left in a tank from her asthma medical problems. She hooked daddy up, said goodbye. I think she knew she wouldn't see him again. It was good he got to see all his sibling before he was gone. He saw Aunt Connie and Uncle Pat, Aunt Mary, Aunt Alex and Uncle Julian and Peter and Uncle Juans brother and wife. Plus his neice Rosie and Florentino. He saw Uncle Jessie, Uncle Leo, and Aunt Vera in Reno, Plus Aunt Lupe a week before in Tulare.
It was good, but now the ride back was starting.
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