Happy New Year 2011!!

It's going to be a new year and I am so ready but I miss daddy so much my heart hurts and it's an effort not to cry anymore, hoping for a better year and easier bumps ahead.  Happy New Year 2011!!

Easter in Porterville

We usually had Easter in Porterville at grandmas house; volleyball, food, and of course the Easter Egg hunt.  She raised chickens for eggs and Bar-B-Que (sometimes rabbits).  It would be an adventure before they even got on the grill.  First daddy would chase the chickens and it depended on how many were there.  I remember one year when he asked us if we wanted to know if the chickens would run without their heads.  We were game.  Yes we wanted to see.  Were in the back, grandma had a green grass yard with the volleyball net and tables, then farther back were the coops with plants of vegetables and chickens.

First thing first, daddy had to catch the chickens.  He had to be fast because grandma had them in the back but they had a big area to run around in, and they're pretty fast.  Finally he catches a few and proceeds to "chop" their heads off, holding the neck he warns us, "o.k. I'm letting them go so you could see them run."  We're screaming and running in circles along with the chickens.  I don't remember being scared, more excited, they really do run around without their heads.  Daddy laughed, we laughed, then proceeded to play volleyball with grandma and everyone else. 

The scary part for us is when they had to gut them, pluck them, then cut-up to cook.  The realization that the chickens that we saw every weekend were now going to be on our plates along with other fixings is what was scary.  I don't think Badoll ate chicken for two years.  Personally, the chicken was the best chicken I have tasted since.

The meetings

Things are getting busy.  Meetings with the social workers, oncologists for the kidney and the shoulder, gasteronologists, lab work, and then there is momma's oncologists, gasteronologist, internist, orthopaedic surgeon, and more lab work.  

With momma we usually know what's going on, daddy is a whole different story and this time we're making sure at least one of us is going with him to all of his appointments.  He tends to color coat medical information and we want to make sure there are no more surprises. One scare was enough. Daddy in his own way is still trying to protect us even at the expense of his own health.

One appointment; me, badoll, and chris, are there and the oncologist is asking him:
   Are you having pain?
   How long has the arm been bothering you?
   How do you feel?

It's like a movie, we are sitting there waiting.... with abated breath for the answers.  One of us thought we could answer for him and boy did we get the look.  Funny.

The old days

When we were kids it was definitely different and I think better in some ways for our own kids.  We didn't have the tons of toys, all the technology, and all the fears.  We lived on California Street and once a week the milkman would come and drop off glass jars of milk.  The pan dulce truck would come twice a week with trays of fresh Mexican sweet bread.  If I think about it hard enough I could smell them and taste the sugar topping of the bollilo breads.  Then there was the Library bookmobile, my favorite.  Once a week the bus would almost park between our house and Aunt Connie's and we would check out two books at a time.  I got to read all the Nancy Drew  mysteries, Gabe read all the Hardy boys and my first American classic - Little Women.  I loved that book.  Badoll read Nancy Drew too and too early for Christina yet.

I had one Barbie -versus- the twenty kids have now, not the mention the Bratz and the other Barbies, the more bustier, more ethnic.  We played outside from sunup to sundown.  Read a book instead watching TV.  But, then we have more cars, more conveniences, more techology then we know what to do with.  Too bad we couldn't mix the two, that would be great.

Preparation

Now it's time to meet with the social worker to prepare legally for the what if's.  The DNR - do not resuscitate order - it's seems so simple but there are three "what if's":
1.  If codes do not resuscitate at all (What if we had a order in place, when he coded those three times we wouldn't have a year more).
2.  If codes resusciate but do not intubate
3.  If codes resusciate and intubate if necessary.
The only thing is, there is still some sticky wording about number two.  How do we know that if they resuscitate we will need to intubate.

Then it's who has control of medical decisions if necessary after surgery.  Momma of course.  But the wording again is still unclear.  Stilll hopefull we wouldn't have to deal with the DNR.

The DNR was one of the most important decisions we (daddy and us) had to make at the end.

David's first Christmas

December 25, 1981.  Me and David were together since September and I brought him home for Christmas at our house in Tulare.  It was scary, first of all, he had never gone out with a girl who had a dad living in the home, so it would be the first time he would meet any father.  He was born and raised in a northeast neighborhood (Highland Park) in L.A., where most homes were single-parent homes, including his own.  I was nervous, but he was scared.  Gabe picked us up from Greyhound and took us home to the Auburn St. house.  It's Christmas Eve and we had aunts and uncles over from both sides.  Uncle Johnny, Aunt Pauline, Uncle Jessie, Uncle Stephen, Uncle Michael, Uncle Johnny (Torrance), Uncle Ruben, Aunt Patty, and some more I don't remember.  I walked in and daddy came right over, shook his hand, introduced himself, and introduced him to everyone else.  I knew things would be o.k., daddy looked sometimes intimidating, but was always welcoming and most times did not predetermine or pre-judge you.  It was usually a wait and see.  At the end, Daddy had become the father David never had and David most admired that daddy never judged him but accepted him with all his characteristics; good or bad. He misses daddy and his funny fix-its and philosophies.

September Reunions

 It was decided to have a family gathering in September, Uncle Johnny passed away the beginning of May so the original 2009 summer reunion was cancelled, Uncle Juan passed away in November and the Christmas 2008 party was cancelled.  It was time to get together again.  It was potluck at Mooney's Grove with food, volleyball, and family, it was great.  But it also happen to be the same date of the Porterville family and friends yearly Filipino reunion and this year we were going to that too.  Daddy love to gather with friends and family and it was going to be a all day'er.  He was good to drive to Tulare, then half-way to Porterville.  David drove the rest of the way and back.  It would be the first time the kids would have "lechon".  Pig roasted on a spit.  WHOLE pig.  It was a sight, the pig was presented on a large cutting board with the apple in the mouth.  There was white rice and spanish rice, Filipino dishes mixed with the Mexican dishes.  They were school year friends and family of my moms, half-Filipino, half-Mexican.  Our Aunt Thencha was their sisters, the only one who married an "American of Mexican descent," boy was her mom upset.  Aunt Thencha has since passed but her mother was there, Socorro, she must be almost a hundred. Onry as ever.  The kids tasted some of the 'hardcore' Filipino dishes, which to this day they don't know that the black noodles dish was black because it's cooked in the blood of the pig.  Gross.  I tasted it and thought it tasted weird,  good but weird.  The kids had about three plates, I didn't have the heart to tell them what they were eating.  Esther went to town with the pig skin, it's like a crispy flat chicharone.  Daddy danced a cumbia with Christina.  We had a long, good, but tiring day.  Today we were not going to think about what was ahead.

Christmas Poem

You may have thought we didn't see,
Or that we hadn't heard,
Life lessons that you taught to us,
But we got every word.

Perhaps you thought we missed it all,
And that we'd grow apart,
But Daddy, we picked up everything,
It's forever written on our hearts.

Without you, Daddy, we wouldn't be
who we are today;
You set a strong foundation,
no one can take away.

We've grown up with your values,
And we're very glad we did;
So here's to you, daddy,
your forever grateful kids.

Merry Christmas Daddy!

Coming home

Daddy is home now and resting.  I think he's starting to get "itchy," he wasn't a person to sit too long.  Pretty soon he was doing yardwork.  Samuel and David would help with the mowing while daddy did the edging.  Carlos and Maria would be coming on the weekends to do the heavy yardwork.  Daddy since I can remember always kept his yard nice, trimmed and GREEN with plenty of seasonal flowers.  He was proud of how he would get the perrenials at OSH and when they died return them and get more free ones to re-plant.  He had his system set. 

The picture is actually in September, my camera calendar was wrong date.

Momma asked Maria and Carlos to put the patio table and chairs in the front so visitors (neighbors, us and others) could sit in front with him and talk.  Daddy knew all the neighbors and loved to see everything going on.  He like to go to the mall with momma just to people watch.  Except one time when he bought new tennis shoes, set them down at the snack area where someone grabbed the bag and ran, but he went back to the shoe store told them what happen and ended up with another new pair of shoes.  He loved to tell that story.

Christmastime

Momma said they never really had Christmases like everyone does now, no one had money and there were so many of them,for momma their gifts were homemade, for daddy it was another day, he use to joke that the reason they made tamales was to have something to open on Christmas Day.  He never complained because you can't miss what you didn't have, he was happy just being with family.  But, when momma and daddy got married they like all of us want to "up" things for their own kids.  When I was little, really little, 1,2, 3 til about 7 years we got the tree, the presents, the food and of course tamales -- the "biggie" was that daddy would rent a Santa suit and dress up for us and give us our presents, I wonder if anyone knew he did that stuff. 

For my first year birthday he made the pinanta himself, using a balloon, paste, paper, and paint.  I wish they had video cams, web cams, digital cameras then.

Later, with us and the grandchildren, we had the kids wear red pajamas, momma and daddy wore red and took pictures in front of the Christmas tree with all the wrapping paper around them and smiles.

Results

The results are in.  Chris and Gabe call us in - they're positive it's malignant cancer and terminal - 6 to 8 months.  Unbelievable.  In the back of my mind I kept thinking maybe this will be something to take out and we're done.  Go home and back to regular stuff. 

Not this time.  Now it's the oncologist; one for the kidney and one for the shoulder.  Radiology or chemotherapy, surgery.  The biggest hurdle was the kidney, they were worried that if it was spread it wouldn't make a difference whether we took out or not.  As much as daddy was scared he was going to do whatever he could to fight the cancer.  He would be that small percentage that would win the battle. 

In the end he was winning the cancer battle, it was all the other stuff that got in the way.

Christmas 2009

I think we all knew it would be our last Christmas with daddy.  We had it at my house, decorated, tons of food, and all the grandchildren taking plenty of pictures.  Momma was tired and went home early, we did our Christmas singing and the grandkids played checkers with daddy.  He beat them all.  The rest of us had a brutal game of scrabble; me, badoll, chris, and aunt connie. 

2010 -- We'll have the food, the singing, and the games and a new Christmas without daddy.  I'll miss the singing with daddy and the competitive checker games, but we'll keep the promise of staying together as a family no matter what comes our way.  Love and miss you daddy.